We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
