Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
