i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
