pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
