I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
