Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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