His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
