im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
