Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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