in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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