spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
