there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
