I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
zippers are such a cool invention
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
