He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
