hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i now understand why vodka
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize