I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
