Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
