Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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