Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize