i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize