The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
