If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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