He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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