Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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