wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
