She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
