I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i will never coherently bang her
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
