Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
