I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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