The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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