Do you still have your period?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
