Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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