I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
