sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
