I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
