her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
