i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
