Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize