Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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