i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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