Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
