**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
