Pants 0. Shit 1.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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