i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize