What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
