Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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