did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
