My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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