We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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