I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
