I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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