Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize