jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
