oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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