i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
