Im at strip club and am horny
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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