Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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