when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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