coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
