Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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