I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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