It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
