Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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