We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
