pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
