I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
