Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
