so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
