It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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