what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
