i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
