When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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