I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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