And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
