He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
